Changing names.

I have never understood why the majority of women change their name as soon as they get married.  It's not that I mind if women change their name or not. It's that it seems like women do it without much thought.

So, why do women change their names and not men and why do children take their father's name?  The answer is because it has always been done like that.  Also, upon marriage women used to become their husband's property and that's why women had to take their husband's name.  If someone back in the past had decided that men should take their wife's name then that's what would happen now.

Of course now women have choice, but the vast majority of women still take their husband's name, which actually surprises me in this day and age.  I was never going to change my name.  Greg and I even discussed that if we had two children one would have his name and one mine.  Perhaps that sounds confusing but I actually know of a family who did this and it works for them.  I also know of a man who took his wife's name and whose children take her name.  So there are changes happening, just not many yet.

Up until the day Maya was born we still didn't know which surname she would have - mine or Greg's?  When she was placed on my chest and I saw that beautiful face my heart welled with love for this precious girl and suddenly I realised that I couldn't give her my name.  Even though I have come to like my name for it's unusualness, I grew up hating my stand out, unpronounceable surname and suddenly I couldn't give my little baby girl this name I had despised as a child.  So I gave her my husband's easy, normal surname instead.

Since then I have taken an about turn and I am seriously considering changing my surname to be the same as my daughters. I want to be as connected as possible to her.

But it is MY name. It is who I am known by.  It is my identity.  It is mine.

But I have this new life now and I want to embrace it as fully as I can. I am her mother and I want the world to know it.

It's a hard decision for me.

Maya uses a spoon to feed herself.

A reflection on 2009.

Unfortunately 2009 was marred by my awful illness (Meniere's Disease) and that's what I find myself mainly remembering about 2009.  Looking back it was a tough year with learning how to look after a baby, dealing with a lack of adult company and support, worrying about Maya's health, moving house and then becoming extremely ill and feeling like I had no control over my own body and being unable to care for Maya at the same level I had been.

On the flip side, I have loved watching Maya grow and develop.  Her emerging personality and cheekiness has been adorable to witness and I am glad I have been able to stay home with her for so long.

Moving house was a big plus and now we live in much roomier accommodation with much more natural light, a nice sized garden that Maya loves to play in and a great park near by.  I started getting more support living closer to family and I found a great mother's group near by.

Finding out that Maya is perfectly healthy was a huge positive and big weight off my mind.

In 2009 I also learnt to appreciate the healthy periods because you really never know when it could be taken away from you.

Christmas 2009.

This Christmas Maya, at 14 months, still lacked an understanding of what Christmas was all about but she was able to interact a lot more with people and things.  What Maya probably enjoyed the most was playing with her cousins - one of whom is 10 months older and the other is about 2 years older.  She loved watching them walk (and run) on their own (as you can see in the video I posted the other day).

Walking and giggles on Christmas Day.

Being on a strict diet during the festive season.

My low salt diet is a tricky one during this festive season.  I went to a second birthday party on Saturday and the only thing I could eat there was fruit.  Of course there was plenty of food available - chips, sausages, bread, cakes, biscuits, salads with dressings - all too high in salt.  I now have to prepare my own food to take with me to parties or eat before I go.  It is tough seeing all that yummy looking food and knowing that I can't have a single bite.  However, I can't ask people to cater just for me and I'd much rather do without any of those foods than have a vertigo attack. 

But it is annoying having to prepare my own food for every occasion.

First Words.

I caught our cat in Maya's room, where she is not allowed to go, and yelled "Out Out" at her. Now whenever Maya sees the cat she chases her yelling "Oot Oot". Poor cat.

I've been teaching Maya the names of body parts. I taught her the word eye recently by pointing to my own eye. Now Maya will poke me in the eye saying "aye aye". :-|

I'm amazed at just how much Maya can understand now. Her vocabulary is still very small, but she can definitely understand what people are saying to her.  If I say "It's dinner time Maya" she will go to her high chair. I say "milk" and she heads to the fridge. I love this new understanding between us, although we do both still get frustrated when we don't always understand each other.

The stages of walking.

	Maya has been 'walking' for a long time now.  She cruises the furniture.
There was a short time when she walked holding on to a walker, but she kept getting frustrated whenever she bumped into something and then totally refused to use it any more.
	Instead she walks holding on to someone's hands and last week my mother in law managed to get Maya to walk holding on with only one hand.  (Thanks Trish :)

The lasting effects of Meniere's Disease.

Due to Meniere's Disease both my hearing and balance are permanently damaged in my affected ear.  I am lucky so far to only have this disease in one ear (there is a 50% chance I will one day develop it in my other ear).  My 'good' ear has taken over my hearing now and in most normal day to day activities I am able to participate in conversations and hear sounds around me, so you wouldn't notice that I am quite deaf in my left ear.  However, in some noisy environments I will struggle to hear someone talking to me if they are facing my 'bad' ear.  For instance walking down a busy street with someone on my left makes it almost impossible for me to hear what they are saying with traffic noise steadily on my right side.

This year with my many repeated attacks my hearing has worsened in my left ear.  The attacks have also made the balance damage on my left side a lot worse.  To be upright and walk my right side must have taken over.  (It's amazing how the brain can relearn and then compensate for damage.)  However, the balance damage leaves me feeling like I am moving sometimes, when in fact I am completely still (like getting off a boat and maintaining your sea legs).  It can be very unpleasant and often I am assessing whether I am actually moving or not by scanning my surroundings.

There was a period of a couple of weeks where I felt like I was moving almost non-stop (after going through some very awful balance tests, which I do not recommend at all - unnecessary and unneeded).  I was scared that I was going to remain in motion for the rest of my life.  Some Meniere's Disease suffers (usually those with MD in both ears) remain in constant motion.  Can you imagine that?  Feeling like you are constantly swaying nearly every minute of the day, whether you are moving or not.  A couple of weeks of it was enough for me.  And I felt motion sick with the constant movement.  I am so glad it resettled again and now I am back to occasionally feeling like I am in motion.  This happened to me when I was first diagnosed too and it did eventually cease altogether.  So I am hoping if the vertigo attacks continue to stay away maybe I will once again regain control of my balance.

Maya Cruises the Furniture.