Three weeks ago an old illness resurfaced in a very horrible way. I've had symptoms since the end of pregnancy but I could not take medication whilst breast feeding and breast feeding Maya was extremely important to me.
However, after the horrible experience that left me collapsed on the ground I had to make the necessary but difficult decision to cease breast feeding and commence the medication. Stopping breast feeding was a heart breaking decision for me, even though I think my health right now is more important.
People keep telling me that I have done so well to make it to 10 1/2 months. That most people stop feeding their babies by 6 months. And yes I do agree that I have done a very good job to make it to 10 1/2 months but reminding me of those things just dismisses the very real grief I have experienced.
I did not only feed my daughter breast milk because it is the best nutrition I could possibly give her. Breast feeding my daughter was a relationship. A close relationship. One which she could not have with anyone else. My body nourishing her. The closeness. The cuddles. It is the end of a type of relationship that I had with my daughter and for that I do mourn the loss.
On top of that I am still ill and hoping the medication will work. I have made life style changes (such as eating healthier, exercising, relaxation and giving up time on the computer) but I am still waiting for an improvement to my health.
1 comment:
I hope that medication and life-style changes will help and your health will improve. All the best.
Post a Comment