Suffering.

In regards to my mother's passing I often hear: "At least she's not suffering any more". And while I don't want my mother to be suffering, I also don't want her to be dead.  And if the choice is suffering or death, well right now I would choose her suffering just to have her here with me.  Yes, it may be selfish but that's how I feel. 

In life there are things we suffer through.  Accidents.  Operations.  Loss.  Pushing ourselves to our limits.  And not all this suffering ends in death.  Some suffering comes before achieving a dream or before recovering from loss, an accident or an operation. 

So I guess what I really want is my mother's suffering to be towards recovery rather than towards death.  And I want my mother alive not dead.  And the fact that she is not suffering any more is no comfort to me.