Tuesday, 23 February 2010

Child care.

As I said in my previous post, I'd always planned to go back to work in January, for two days per week, and my intention was for my mother to care for Maya on those two days.  However, seeing just how much my mother smokes each day - practically one every hour - I realised that she would have to take constant smoke breaks and they wouldn't all fall during Maya's nap times.  My mother would never smoke inside my house, but even outside I hate the thought of my mother smoking around my daughter.  Smoke can still get into Maya's lungs outdoors and I don't want Maya to see my mother smoking so much.  I realised I cannot leave Maya with my mother for two whole days each week.

My only option then was to look into child care centres, but I thought leaving such a young child with strangers in a bigger child to adult ratio couldn't be good for Maya.  She wouldn't receive the same attention as she does at home. 

Then I did some research and discovered that thirty hours or less a week in child care can be beneficial for toddlers.  They expand their vocabulary quicker and learn to socialise with other children.  I went to look at child care centres and while I came across a couple I would never send my daughter to, I found some that had such a lovely, homely, happy feel about them and of course I chose my favourite one of those.

I know that Maya doesn't receive the same attention there from her carers as she does at home, but the kids are so friendly there and play with each other.  And of course the carers do spend as much time as they can with each child.  She is eating very well there and enjoys playing with the other children.  She does painting and drawing, which is something I have never gotten around to doing with Maya (because of lack of thought on my part).  I know at child care she will experience things that I am either unable to do or don't think of doing myself and I think that's a good thing.

The problem is that she isn't sleeping enough while there and arrives home tired and miserable.  She isn't always happy there and she feels abandoned by us.  Maya has always had strong separation anxiety and now it's been made worse by attending child care.  She clings to me when she gets home and unfortunately she is upset with her own father who is the one who takes her there.  I feel guilty right now for putting her in there and for not being able to explain to her that we are not abandoning her.

The child care staff tell me that Maya is doing well compared to other children who start child care, but it doesn't seem that way to me, and I'm not sure if they are just saying that to make me feel better or is it really true?  Either way I know I need to commit to it for some time and see if Maya can adjust before I make any changes.  But it's hard in the interim while Maya and I struggle with this new routine in our life.

2 comments:

Snooze said...

I realise I'm a total stranger but I thought I would give you the benefit of my experience. I have two daughters (24 and 21) who were in childcare, and my eldest now works in childcare. My experience is that children are always very different (and possibly better behaved) for other people (one extreme) ... they know you are their world and will act accordingly to you (the other extreme). Both extremes are your daughter ... just different people's experiences of her.

Your daughter will always be tireder after creche. There is more activity and excitement there for her to engage with and experience. That will tire her out and as long as she's sleeping more to catch up and eating well she should be ok. Her stamina will also improve as time elapses, and some of these things will change as she settles.

I also experienced a short period soon after my eldest started creche full time at 11 months (and she was also a clingy child) where she turned her back on me (incluidng weaning herself almost over night) and would only let her father near her ... that was awful for me and I guess a punishment for leaving her. But that passed and in the end she thrived until she was able to leave full time care about two years later.

In closing (my essay) I wanted to give you some reassurance. Much of how you feel seems to be based in wanting to be home mixed with guilt at leaving her. It's an awful place to find yourself in ... unwilling and unwelcome change is the hardest but in time you will all adjust.

In the interim know that you daughter will be ok ... as will you.

Good luck.

Tanya said...

Thanks. I think every mother goes through the guilt of leaving their child in child care and every child has to make an adjustment too. I'm sure in the long term it will be a good thing but in the short term it's hard for both her, me and her father whom she won't go near (punishing him for leaving her there).