With Maya's constant illnesses and endless ear infections I find myself feeling guilty for placing her in child care, where she is exposed to all these illnesses. Prior to commencing child care she was rarely sick. Am I being selfish for putting myself and my career first?
I must admit I no longer enjoy my job as I did at the start of the year. And it is no longer the escape and me time I sought. It is work. And the long travel (since moving it now takes me about an hour and a half to get there) is taking its toll. But I do still enjoy the adult interaction at work and the time off from the constant care of a toddler. And I can't see myself returning to be a full time carer of Maya.
It took Maya a very long time to settle into child care. But she now enjoys being there. She loves the staff, loves the activities and has even made a friend. She has also been exposed to things I would never have thought of doing with her or can't do with her. Like recently she learnt about ambulances and got to look inside one. And they taught her to clean up after herself long before I would have thought to do that. I've been told that Maya often leads the other children and their activities and creates games to play.
Yet I still feel guilty that she is sick so often. I could protect her from these diseases if she was home with me.
Or maybe she wouldn't get sick so often if I was still able to breast feed her. I know that breast feeding reduces the possibility of ear infections. If it wasn't for Meniere's Disease I might still be breast feeding today and with the anti-bodies in breast milk maybe Maya wouldn't be sick all the time?
I know that feeling guilty doesn't help anything or anyone. But it often seems that guilt is synonymous with being a mother.
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