Preparation for parenthood.

I have quite a few pregnant friends and friends with babies and I am extremely surprised by the lack of planning done by the majority of them before pregnancy and baby. I do think that no amount of preparation could have actually prepared me for the reality (and I did say something to that effect here). However, months before even trying for a baby I went to the doctor for a check up and chat. She gave me information and a full check up so that I knew my body was in peak condition for pregnancy. I then went and bought a book on pregnancy, birth and newborns and read it. I also talked to people with babies, read parenthood blogs and observed parents - friends and general public. I made sure our health care was up to date. I researched hospitals. I asked questions. I looked at my maternity leave scheme at work. And most of all Greg and I talked and talked about what it would be like and how we would organise things. And then we started trying for a baby.

I remember being heavily pregnant and doing the hospital course on how to take care of a newborn. We were given a worst case scenario (which is by all means possible) where baby is waking every two hours to feed and feeds for an hour. That would mean the baby is feeding for twelve hours a day, leaving twelve hours of 'free' time. We had to discuss with our partner how we would mange this situation. Greg and I immediately discussed how I would just try and sleep every single hour I had. I knew it would be exhausting and getting all that unbroken sleep would be hell. Then we had to discuss our plans with another couple. The other couple had come up with a daily plan - at this time the mother would do the grocery shopping, at this time she would do the washing and hang it at this time and here is where she would prepare and cook dinner. Seriously, WTF were they thinking? When was the mother supposed to sleep? Greg and I were both surprised that they seemed to have no concept ofwhat it would be actually like.

As I've said parenthood was actually much, much harder than I could have possibly imagined and nothing really could have prepared me for what it was like. Thinking about surviving on lack of sleep is different to actually trying to survive on not enough sleep.

However, my point is that we did try and prepare as much as we possibly could. We did try and put ourselves into the shoes of parents of newborns and imagine the hardships. We did plan for me to sleep any chance I got and for me to leave the housework. We planned for Greg to take over a lot of housework and discusssed what roles Greg would take with the baby - like he would change all nappies and settle baby to sleep when he was home and he would take the baby out for walks to give me a break. My point is we actually talked about these things BEFORE I was even pregnant.

Other things in life require preparation and planning before hand (going on a holiday, studying, starting a new career). So why is there a lack of planning before parenthood? Perhaps an attitude of so many people have done it before? Or maybe a fear? Or a belief that you cannot plan? It just surprises me that with something so important as bringing a whole new life into this world there isn't enough forethought and often very unrealistic expectations by the parents-to-be.