Monday, 27 July 2009

Maya sits up on her own.

Finally caught it on tape:

Tuesday, 7 July 2009

Maya commando crawling...

.. with a quick taste of the floor.

Monday, 6 July 2009

Mother's guilt.

As a mother I am constantly making decisions for my baby. Of course I want the best for her and I always make decisions that I think are right for her and I. My dilemma is.. I don't know that they are right for her and so I feel guilty about some of the decisions I make.

In today's society breastfeeding is really encouraged. However, there are some mothers who cannot breast feed and I know these mothers end up feeling tremendously guilty, unsupported and failures. Even though they might have tried their absolute hardest to breast feed and it just didn't work. Even though their baby might be a lot happier on formula. These mothers still feel pangs of guilt.

Maya is nearly 9 months old and I am still breast feeding her. I am lucky that things worked well from the start and I have been able to continue this relationship going. But on the flip side I keep getting told that I should stop breast feeding and put Maya on formula. Why? Because Maya has barely put on any weight since she was born. While I watch other babies turn into big, cuddly babies, Maya is a skinny, little thing.

Despite the push from some health professionals to put her on formula I decided to stand my ground and continue breast feeding her. If I thought that breast feeding her was detrimental to her health I would stop immediately. However, I believe since it is working for us I would rather she gets the nourishment that is designed for her.

But the problem is.. I think I am doing the right thing.. only I feel guilty.. what if I'm not? What if I am putting Maya's health at risk? What if my decision to keep breast feeding her means she will be really tiny and under-nourished? The answer is .. I don't know what the answer is? I could move to formula and she may just stay tiny. Maybe that's her build. I could move to formula and she might become a big, cuddly baby. But is that just fat? And do I want her to be fat?

If I never saw other babies her age I would see her as a healthy sized baby. It's the comparison to other babies, to charts, that causes health professionals to tell me I need to 'fatten her up' and for me to feel guilty that she isn't 'thriving' like the other babies.

For now I am going to continue with breast feeding, because it is what I know and I know it is better for her. But is it better for her?

That is a mother's guilt.

Thursday, 2 July 2009

My little hawk.

I don't know how she does it but I swear Maya could find a black speck on a black rug in the pitch black. Then she'd pick it up and eat it. I am constantly pulling things out of that little girls mouth. Even when I've just finished vacuuming and the floor looks utterly clean and I cannot see a speck of anything.. she'll somehow find some tiny bit of fluff to pop in her mouth.