First tooth and standing.

Maya finally has a TOOTH! Usually a first tooth arrives around 6 months, but her first tooth arrived at about 10 1/2 months. You can just see it in the picture below.

She has also started standing.

The end of my breast feeding journey.

Three weeks ago an old illness resurfaced in a very horrible way. I've had symptoms since the end of pregnancy but I could not take medication whilst breast feeding and breast feeding Maya was extremely important to me.

However, after the horrible experience that left me collapsed on the ground I had to make the necessary but difficult decision to cease breast feeding and commence the medication. Stopping breast feeding was a heart breaking decision for me, even though I think my health right now is more important.

People keep telling me that I have done so well to make it to 10 1/2 months. That most people stop feeding their babies by 6 months. And yes I do agree that I have done a very good job to make it to 10 1/2 months but reminding me of those things just dismisses the very real grief I have experienced.

I did not only feed my daughter breast milk because it is the best nutrition I could possibly give her. Breast feeding my daughter was a relationship. A close relationship. One which she could not have with anyone else. My body nourishing her. The closeness. The cuddles. It is the end of a type of relationship that I had with my daughter and for that I do mourn the loss.

On top of that I am still ill and hoping the medication will work. I have made life style changes (such as eating healthier, exercising, relaxation and giving up time on the computer) but I am still waiting for an improvement to my health.

Ways to help parents with babies.

The other day a friend said that she'd like to help with Maya but doesn't know how. I remember before having Maya I felt the same way. I had no idea how to help people with babies. So I thought I'd write a post on things that have helped me.

1. People bringing meals! That was a huge help. Before Maya was born I did make and freeze quite a few meals, but you can NEVER have too many meals. I am so grateful to my mother in law who filled our freezer with meals after Maya was born. With the meals I had made plus her meals plus a few meals from others plus buying take away and occasionally cooking we made it to about 3 months before having to cook dinners regularly. After a long, hard day with a baby the last thing you want to do is cook. I didn't even want Greg cooking. I wanted his help with Maya in the evenings when she was at her most unsettled. So those meals were of such a big help to us. And if you can't cook bringing take away is equally of help. A friend of mine came to visit around lunch time and brought pizzas. The extra benefit of that was - no washing up. :)
   


2. Offering to do dishes, hang washing, vacuum, etc. When Maya was a newborn I didn't have the time or energy to do much housework. It was a great help when someone came round to visit and offered to help with something or asked if there was anything they could do.
   


3. In the early days it helped when someone offered to buy anything we needed from the shops before popping round.
   


4. Offering to play with Maya. This was a little hard at times with Maya's fear of strangers, but if Maya is OK being left with someone to play I can get other things around the house done (and this is probably more fun for the visitor than doing my housework. :)


5. Taking Maya for a walk. I actually think this is a great way to help. Maya likes going for a walk and it doesn't matter who takes her. Then I can have some time on my own! :) And you don't need to know anything about looking after babies. No nappy changing, feeding, etc required. You just need to know how to walk and how to push a stroller while walking.
   


6. Babysitting. Though you would have to feel comfortable with minding someone else's child for an extended period of time and know how to change nappies, feed, etc.
   

If you are a parent I'd love to know what has helped or does help you.

Maya's laugh.

It's so hard to capture Maya's laugh on video because as soon as she sees the camera she either starts posing or tries to grab the camera off me. I was finally able to capture her laugh by hiding and jumping out at her - hence the bad, jerky footage. But don't you just love her giggle. :)

Mummy hugs.

I love that a hug from me is all that is required to fix any of Maya's problems. I know that one day she will have problems that can't be fixed by a simple mummy hug. For now I enjoy the moments I can bring great comfort and relief to Maya with the warmth of my body and the comfort of my arms.

What is normal?

As someone who has worked with children I know that each child has an individual personality and unique abilities. Why is it then that children are expected to achieve and learn the same things as other children when their abilities clearly differ?

Of course there are some common things that need to be learnt in order to function in society. Like using money, understanding turn taking in conversation, dressing oneself...... But there is still a problem with this. Not all children are capable of learning these "simple" things. Some children have disabilities which prevent them from either being able to understand these concepts or they are physically unable to undertake these tasks.

Parents want their children to be "normal", but what is "normal"?? Shouldn't we be looking at each child's abilities and supporting them to achieve what they can achieve?

In spite of their abilities and disabilities I hope any children I have and may have will be encouraged by me and others to achieve realistic goals and encouraged to pursue their interests. I hope that they will not be compared to others or compared to the "norm".

I hope my children are their own unique normal - whatever that may be.

Maya sits up on her own.

Finally caught it on tape:

Maya commando crawling...

.. with a quick taste of the floor.

Mother's guilt.

As a mother I am constantly making decisions for my baby. Of course I want the best for her and I always make decisions that I think are right for her and I. My dilemma is.. I don't know that they are right for her and so I feel guilty about some of the decisions I make.

In today's society breastfeeding is really encouraged. However, there are some mothers who cannot breast feed and I know these mothers end up feeling tremendously guilty, unsupported and failures. Even though they might have tried their absolute hardest to breast feed and it just didn't work. Even though their baby might be a lot happier on formula. These mothers still feel pangs of guilt.

Maya is nearly 9 months old and I am still breast feeding her. I am lucky that things worked well from the start and I have been able to continue this relationship going. But on the flip side I keep getting told that I should stop breast feeding and put Maya on formula. Why? Because Maya has barely put on any weight since she was born. While I watch other babies turn into big, cuddly babies, Maya is a skinny, little thing.

Despite the push from some health professionals to put her on formula I decided to stand my ground and continue breast feeding her. If I thought that breast feeding her was detrimental to her health I would stop immediately. However, I believe since it is working for us I would rather she gets the nourishment that is designed for her.

But the problem is.. I think I am doing the right thing.. only I feel guilty.. what if I'm not? What if I am putting Maya's health at risk? What if my decision to keep breast feeding her means she will be really tiny and under-nourished? The answer is .. I don't know what the answer is? I could move to formula and she may just stay tiny. Maybe that's her build. I could move to formula and she might become a big, cuddly baby. But is that just fat? And do I want her to be fat?

If I never saw other babies her age I would see her as a healthy sized baby. It's the comparison to other babies, to charts, that causes health professionals to tell me I need to 'fatten her up' and for me to feel guilty that she isn't 'thriving' like the other babies.

For now I am going to continue with breast feeding, because it is what I know and I know it is better for her. But is it better for her?

That is a mother's guilt.

My little hawk.

I don't know how she does it but I swear Maya could find a black speck on a black rug in the pitch black. Then she'd pick it up and eat it. I am constantly pulling things out of that little girls mouth. Even when I've just finished vacuuming and the floor looks utterly clean and I cannot see a speck of anything.. she'll somehow find some tiny bit of fluff to pop in her mouth.