What is normal?

As someone who has worked with children I know that each child has an individual personality and unique abilities. Why is it then that children are expected to achieve and learn the same things as other children when their abilities clearly differ?

Of course there are some common things that need to be learnt in order to function in society. Like using money, understanding turn taking in conversation, dressing oneself...... But there is still a problem with this. Not all children are capable of learning these "simple" things. Some children have disabilities which prevent them from either being able to understand these concepts or they are physically unable to undertake these tasks.

Parents want their children to be "normal", but what is "normal"?? Shouldn't we be looking at each child's abilities and supporting them to achieve what they can achieve?

In spite of their abilities and disabilities I hope any children I have and may have will be encouraged by me and others to achieve realistic goals and encouraged to pursue their interests. I hope that they will not be compared to others or compared to the "norm".

I hope my children are their own unique normal - whatever that may be.

Maya sits up on her own.

Finally caught it on tape:

Maya commando crawling...

.. with a quick taste of the floor.

Mother's guilt.

As a mother I am constantly making decisions for my baby. Of course I want the best for her and I always make decisions that I think are right for her and I. My dilemma is.. I don't know that they are right for her and so I feel guilty about some of the decisions I make.

In today's society breastfeeding is really encouraged. However, there are some mothers who cannot breast feed and I know these mothers end up feeling tremendously guilty, unsupported and failures. Even though they might have tried their absolute hardest to breast feed and it just didn't work. Even though their baby might be a lot happier on formula. These mothers still feel pangs of guilt.

Maya is nearly 9 months old and I am still breast feeding her. I am lucky that things worked well from the start and I have been able to continue this relationship going. But on the flip side I keep getting told that I should stop breast feeding and put Maya on formula. Why? Because Maya has barely put on any weight since she was born. While I watch other babies turn into big, cuddly babies, Maya is a skinny, little thing.

Despite the push from some health professionals to put her on formula I decided to stand my ground and continue breast feeding her. If I thought that breast feeding her was detrimental to her health I would stop immediately. However, I believe since it is working for us I would rather she gets the nourishment that is designed for her.

But the problem is.. I think I am doing the right thing.. only I feel guilty.. what if I'm not? What if I am putting Maya's health at risk? What if my decision to keep breast feeding her means she will be really tiny and under-nourished? The answer is .. I don't know what the answer is? I could move to formula and she may just stay tiny. Maybe that's her build. I could move to formula and she might become a big, cuddly baby. But is that just fat? And do I want her to be fat?

If I never saw other babies her age I would see her as a healthy sized baby. It's the comparison to other babies, to charts, that causes health professionals to tell me I need to 'fatten her up' and for me to feel guilty that she isn't 'thriving' like the other babies.

For now I am going to continue with breast feeding, because it is what I know and I know it is better for her. But is it better for her?

That is a mother's guilt.

My little hawk.

I don't know how she does it but I swear Maya could find a black speck on a black rug in the pitch black. Then she'd pick it up and eat it. I am constantly pulling things out of that little girls mouth. Even when I've just finished vacuuming and the floor looks utterly clean and I cannot see a speck of anything.. she'll somehow find some tiny bit of fluff to pop in her mouth.

Maya moves forward.

Not being able to move forward has been a source of frustration for Maya. She would see something just out of her reach and not be able to grab it. For weeks now I have watched her flap her legs and then groan or even cry in frustration.

I decided to see if there was a way I could help her to learn to crawl. I was either told that there is nothing I could do or that it's much better if she doesn't crawl.

Well I knew that before babies crawl they often start by getting up on their knees and rocking. So I held Maya up on her knees, rocked her and said "weeeeeeeeeeeee". She laughed and smiled. I had created a fun game. :) We did this a couple of times a day over a few days. Then I noticed she would get up on her knees without me. Only briefly - but it was a start. Next I noticed that if I said "weeeeeeeeeee" she would automatically get up on her knees and rock. I realised that I had in fact taught her how to get up on her knees and she associated a word with an action. Then yesterday as she was playing she realised she could inch forwards if she got up on her knees. I managed to capture this on the video below.

Not only am I extremely proud of my darling daughter of picking up this new skill so quickly but I am proud of myself for teaching and guiding her towards this new achievement.

Plus as a bonus she is now less frustrated.

Maya's first word.

For about a month now Maya has been saying "Dada" and I finally caught it on video.

Cause and effect.

Maya is discovering that she can make things happen. Yesterday she kept picking up the rug and dropping it - If I pick this up and let go, it will fall. I've also noticed that Maya now gets upset when something is taken off her. Before I would take something she was playing with and she wouldn't react at all. Now she gets annoyed and upset. I guess I would too if someone took something off me while I was using it!

Maya cleaning the floor.

Turning in circles.

Maya is adept at moving about now, using a combination of rolling and turning. Recently she also discovered that she can move backwards by pushing with her hands. However, she is yet to discover how to move forwards and at the moment this is a source of frustration for her.