Paapa.

'Paapa' is Maya's word for pasta and my favourite word of hers at the moment.

Over the last couple of weeks Maya has been ramping up her vocabulary.  Suddenly she seems more willing (or more able?) to repeat words she hears.  And better yet she remembers them and what they are associated with.  She uses "Mama" a lot more now too, which is lovely to hear.

Communication is still very limited but she is able to ask for a few things now, which makes it so much easier than trying to guess what she wants all the time.  Though there are still times when I don't understand, which often results in her (and I) getting frustrated.

Maya has been babbling for such a long time now.  It seems like she's always carrying on conversation with me.  She even pauses and does little laughs and sighs in between some 'sentences'.  It really does seem like she's telling me stories, or about her day, or things she's seen.  Just in a language I can't understand.

Speaking of books..

Staying on the topic of books from my previous post, I thought I'd mention my favourite baby/toddler books:

• "The Going to Bed Book" & "Hippos Go Berserk" by Sandra Boynton - Love the rhythm and rhyme.


• "Time To Sleep" & "Where's The Green Sheep" by Mem Fox - Love the rhythm and pictures.


• "Pants" by Giles Andreae & Nick Sharratt - Love the rhythm, rhyme, pictures and topic.  A silly, funny little book.


• "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" by Eric Carle - A classic and Maya loves poking her fingers through the holes in the pages.


• "The Animal Countdown" by Frances Bacon - Love the rhythm, rhyme and pictures.


• The "When I go to" series by Jill Harker - Great pictures (something hidden on every page), good rhythm and rhyme.


• "Miffy At The Zoo" by Dick Bruna - Love the rhythm and rhyme.


• "Nighty-Night, Fox" by Nancy Parent - Great pictures, rhythm and rhyme.

Maya does like the books above too, but her favourite books tend to be those with flaps you can open (like the "Spot" books by Eric Hill), or things you can touch (like the "That's not my" series by Fiona Watt) or pictures and words/counting books (like 1 hat, 2 children, etc) or any book that has a picture of a cat in it.  And while I do enjoy reading them the first twenty times, I do tend to tire of them after the one hundredth read.

I didn't know..

.. that I would be reading the same couple of books to Maya over and over and over again, because they would become her favourites and no other book would do.

.. that those couple of books that I would read over and over again would start to drive me crazy and any attempts at reading a new book would fail.

.. that I would get so sick of reading those couple of books over and over again, that I would eventually hide them away somewhere just so I could read something new.

.. that Maya would then go and select another couple of books to become her favourites and I would have to read them over and over and over again...

It's life Jim but not as we know it.

As I mentioned in my previous post I had another vertigo attack while away on holidays and I think it was caused by something I ate.  I have been on a very strict low salt diet for months now and prior to this recent vertigo attack I'd been attack free since the end December 2009. 

There's no way to know the reason why I've been attack free for so long.  Is the diet helping?  Is the medication I'm on working?  Or is it just time?  But I've stuck to the strict diet just in case it helps. 

I've found myself doubting the diet's affect, despite reading that it supposedly helps the majority of sufferers, because when I was diagnosed 7 1/2 years ago I went on the same diet and then came off it after some time and was attack free for many years. 

But there is a difference between this time and last time.  This time I have had many, many more attacks than last time.  This time a lot more damage has been done.

So while we were away I decided to eat something I didn't know the salt content of.  The next day I had an attack.  It seems plausible that the food was high in salt and the higher salt content triggered an attack.

Suddenly I found myself full of grief.  I'd been thinking this diet would again be temporary.  But what if it's not?  What if I have to stay on this diet for the rest of my life?  Of course given the choice between being on a strict diet for the rest of my life and having vertigo attacks, I choose the diet.  But the diet means forever reading food labels.  It means forever cooking things from scratch.  It means no take away foods.  It means carrying food on me at all times in case I get hungry because I can't just pop into the closest food store for something to eat.  It means not being able to pop out to a cafe or restaurant for a bite to eat (I've been told it is possible to eat out with forward planning by talking to the chef beforehand to meticulously explain my diet - but even this seems like a chore, means I can't just decide to go out somewhere, limits me on where I can eat out and also means I have to put my trust in someone I don't know to follow the diet accurately).  It means having to carefully explain my diet to hosts and trusting them to follow the diet or providing my own food.  It means a lot more planning would have to go into trips away, especially overseas (can I even go overseas on this diet??).  It  means standing around at parties and morning tea at work, watching other people devour goodies.

I love eating out, getting take away and travelling.

I know there are plenty of people out there on all kinds of restrictions when it comes to diet, but salt really does seem to be in nearly everything, including a lot of things people would assume weren't high in salt (cakes, biscuits, bread...)  Yesterday I saw that Lindt has made a new chocolate with sea salt!!  So how do I manage explaining to people what I can and can't eat?  Then how do I manage that in a foreign language? 

I guess right now not only is my diet restricted but I feel like my life is restricted because of it.  It is something that I still need to comes to terms with and learn to live with.

First family holiday.

In April we went on our first family holiday.  We have had a few overnight stays but this is the first time we've been away for a week since Maya was born.

I was worried about how Maya would cope with sleeping in a strange cot at a strange place.  The first couple of sleeps were shorter than normal but after a couple of days she was in her normal routine.  She loved the house we stayed at and she loved 'holiday'.

This trip was very different to previous trips I've ever been on.  I found myself looking for the family activities.  We took Maya to a farm where you can pat, feed and hold the animals, visited many parks and the beach, as well as satisfying both her and I by visiting a couple of different chocolate shops. :)

As for myself I booked in for a couple of hours at a day spa, which was bliss.  But I also had a vertigo attack while there.  The first one I've had since December.  It was so disappointing. It was intense but over very quickly compared to normal.  I think the attack was triggered by something I ate, which if that's the case means that I do have this disease under control as long as I stick to my strict diet.  But I cannot be sure that the attack was triggered by food, so it did undermine my confidence somewhat.

Overall I enjoyed getting away and found it to be very relaxing, which is just what I needed.  Greg and I are already talking about where to go for our next trip...

Oh a goat!	Patting a goat.
Patting a guinea pig.	Feeding a rabbit by putting food on top of its head.
Patting a chick.	At the beach.

Advice.

Being a mother seems to invite people to give you advice.  The problem is there's conflicting advice, different beliefs and wrong advice given by well meaning people.  I realise the irony here when I am also giving advice, which I'm sure conflicts at times with other's beliefs and I'm not immune to making errors or being biased in what I think.  But my advice is to trust your instincts and do your research from credible sources. 

Some of this advice is given by people who are experts (paediatricians, maternal child health nurses, etc) but they make mistakes too and have their own agendas and beliefs.  I know what it's like to be given incorrect and even ridiculous advice by experts.

As I've said in previous posts, Maya was born at a large birth weight but from there never put on much weight.  In hospital I was told that I needed to express and feed her more by the midwives (experts).  I was told that "I must not be feeding her correctly".  They undermined my confidence.  Then they would watch me feed Maya and exclaim "Oh everything looks good."  But they still kept telling me something must be wrong.  I was lucky to have a paediatrician who told me that Maya was doing fine and I didn't need to change anything.  But it was worrying when one person was telling me everything was OK versus many who were telling me that everything was not OK.

I'd read a lot about breastfeeding prior to birth from sources such as the Australian Breastfeeding Association.  I knew that if babies were given bottles before breastfeeding was established then they might end up preferring the bottle over the breast or have trouble learning how to breastfeed because of the two different methods.   I knew that formula was no substitute for breast milk and breast milk was all the food they required.   I knew that babies wouldn't starve themselves.  I knew that they would take what they needed and that when they needed more they would take more and my supply would increase to meet the new demand.  I knew that I didn't need to express to increase my supply because the baby would do that at their own pace and when needed.  But when faced with the pressure from experts I began to doubt what I knew and questioned what I was doing.  I tried expressing to increase my supply (and ended up with blocked ducts many times, which is painful and can lead to mastitis) and I gave top ups of formula.  Both of which were exhausting to add to my already busy schedule and at the end of the day made no difference to Maya's growth.

When I moved house last year I had to find a new health nurse who pressured me to give up breastfeeding because of Maya's lack of weight gains.  She even told me to feed Maya chocolate, cream and butter to 'fatten her up'.  Needless to say I walked out that door and never returned to see her.

I'd like to think that I am now able to recognise when to follow advice and when to leave it.  But when worried and wanting the very best for your child it is easy to lose trust of yourself and your instincts and put your trust in the 'experts'.

I know it's hard to trust yourself and to know which and whose advice to take.  My advice is to trust yourself and the expertise of a few reputable sources whose advice you gel with

You can take that or leave it.

Maya does the shapes puzzle on her own.

We were given a shapes puzzle for Maya a few months ago and I started by showing Maya how to put the shapes in the holes, then helped Maya put the shapes in the right holes and then a couple of weeks ago she started doing it on her own.  She can get most of the shapes in but I wasn't able to capture it on this video because she lost interest.

A weighty issue.

For some reason weight is seen as an indicator of health in babies.  A baby who gains the expected weight or more is seen as healthy.  A baby who doesn't gain the expected weight is seen as unhealthy.

Maya was always in the latter category.  She was 4kgs at birth (90th percentile on the charts) but from there she never gained much weight and during some months didn't appear to gain any weight at all.  She fell through the percentiles until she was below the 3rd and off the charts.

I was very lucky to have some supportive experts who despite the 'worrying' (to most) drop in weight gain, saw Maya as a healthy, happy baby, who was meeting all milestones.  But some worried about her lack of weight gain and I worried too.  I watched babies the same age as Maya expand and grow, while Maya slimmed down.  I constantly worried that she wasn't getting enough milk.  But my determination to breast feed and knowledge that breast is best kept me going.  I tried to trust that everything was working well, while at the same time worried that everything was not OK.

Eventually I took Maya to a paediatrician when she was five months old and the doctor was surprised that I was still breast feeding Maya.  Her advice was for me to put Maya on formula, which I said I wasn't prepared to do.  So she wanted me to give her formula top ups with added glucose.  At first I couldn't bring myself to give Maya formula but when she reached 6 months of age and I had succeeded in giving her breast milk only for the first 6 months of her life, I gave in and started Maya on these top up feeds.  She did put on more fat but she did not grow in any other way.  I realised that all the formula and glucose were doing was making Maya fat, so I stopped and the fat fell off.  In hindsight I now realise this advice from an 'expert' was ridiculous and would do nothing but add fat to Maya and not make her grow any more.  But for some reason experts see weight as such a huge indicator of health that any weight gain, by any means, is seen as the answer.

Why is weight gain seen as such a big indicator of health? There are more signs to health than weight gain alone.  Is the baby happy?  Is the baby meeting milestones?  Is the baby growing (height, width OR weight)?  Does the baby have ill health?

I saw a second paediatrician who ran a lot of tests on Maya and everything came back normal.   She was and is a perfectly healthy girl.

I now see Maya for what she is.  A small, healthy, happy girl who does not need fattening up.  She eats plenty of food.  She just doesn't achieve the expected weight gains.

I am so happy that I am on the other side now and I no longer see Maya's weight as an issue.  What worries me though is all the mother's who will go through what I went through, some of whom will give up breast feeding or try to combine breast and formula feeding or feed their baby bulking agents, when their baby is perfectly healthy just smaller than the norm.

Ten weeks of work.

I have been back at work now for ten weeks, which I am proud of.  I wasn't sure if I'd be able to manage work with my illness but thankfully I haven't had any vertigo attacks since the end of December last year.  I still worry about having an attack and it's often on my mind that one could happen at any moment.  But being back at work has given me some confidence again - managing an hour long, two way, two train travel plus two full work days with no attacks - I am relieved. 

It has been tough at times managing the work load around minding Maya and doing housework.  I have to bring work home with me and it's hard fitting it in during Maya's one nap of the day, which can be anywhere from 1 to 2 hours (usually 1 1/2 to 2 hours and sometimes 3 if I am very lucky).

Overall I am happy to be back at work.  However, I would rather be working only one day and have Maya in care two days a week, so that I could get everything I needed to get done for work in those two days.

Maya is happier at child care now.  She has her favourite carers, she eats well and interacts with the other children.  However, there is still a problem.  She rarely sleeps there and if she does it's usually only 15 to 20 minutes.  Compared with her usual 1 1/2 to 2 hour naps at home, that's a very big difference and by the end of the child care days Maya is a tired, unhappy mess.

For most of these past ten weeks Maya hasn't been happy at child care, which has at times left me feeling guilty for returning to work and leaving her.  Unfortunately sometimes what is best for me won't necessarily be best for her, and right now being back at work is important to me.

Protecting our children.

It's now just over a year since Dana McCaffery died. Dana was just 4 weeks old and died of Whooping Cough (Pertussis), which is preventable through vaccinations.  However, babies cannot receive their first vaccination for Whooping Cough until they are at least two months old.  So in the time between birth and 2 months of age they rely on the immunity passed from mother to child prior to birth and on the mother's anti-bodies in their milk. They also rely on those around them, who also have a lot of contact with them, to be immunised against this disease (father, grandparents, health nurses, etc).  However, the vaccination wanes after 10 to 12 years and the vast majority of adults do not receive their booster injections, so 90% of adults or more are no longer immunised.  Vaccination is only effective if the majority of the community does it (called herd immunity), so with the vast majority of people no longer being immunised, outbreaks of Whooping Cough are much more likely to occur. 

I was horrified when a friend told me that she visited her doctor prior to pregnancy and asked if there were any preparations she should make before having a baby.  He dismissed her saying that she was young and healthy.

On the other hand, when I went in for a check up prior to pregnancy I was told to get a Whooping Cough vaccination at least three months prior to conceiving in order to protect myself and my unborn baby, but also to protect my newborn once she arrived.  Maya would have received my Whooping Cough anti-bodies prior to birth as well as in my breast milk.  As well, I was told that Greg needed to get the booster prior to the birth of our baby girl in order to further protect her from this horrible disease.

As Maya's parents we are the ones most in contact with our little girl and it makes obvious sense for us to be vaccinated properly in order to protect our child.  Really everyone who will be in regular contact with your child should be fully immunised and that is the recommendation from the Australian government: "It is also recommended that new parents or women planning on becoming pregnant (and members of their household or family) receive a booster dose of the diphtheria, tetanus and pertussis vaccine to protect the new baby from whooping cough in the first months of life." (cited from http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Whooping_cough).

So if it's been ten years or more since you had a booster dose of the pertussis vaccine then please consider having it in order to protect not only our young and helpless but also those who cannot be vaccinated and yourself. Please also vaccinate your children.

My sincere heartfelt condolences go out to Toni and David McCaffery.  I cannot begin to imagine their suffering.  But at a time when most people would fall in a heap and never get up again, they are fighting for a world where newborns do not die from a disease we can protect them from.