Child care.

As I said in my previous post, I'd always planned to go back to work in January, for two days per week, and my intention was for my mother to care for Maya on those two days.  However, seeing just how much my mother smokes each day - practically one every hour - I realised that she would have to take constant smoke breaks and they wouldn't all fall during Maya's nap times.  My mother would never smoke inside my house, but even outside I hate the thought of my mother smoking around my daughter.  Smoke can still get into Maya's lungs outdoors and I don't want Maya to see my mother smoking so much.  I realised I cannot leave Maya with my mother for two whole days each week.

My only option then was to look into child care centres, but I thought leaving such a young child with strangers in a bigger child to adult ratio couldn't be good for Maya.  She wouldn't receive the same attention as she does at home. 

Then I did some research and discovered that thirty hours or less a week in child care can be beneficial for toddlers.  They expand their vocabulary quicker and learn to socialise with other children.  I went to look at child care centres and while I came across a couple I would never send my daughter to, I found some that had such a lovely, homely, happy feel about them and of course I chose my favourite one of those.

I know that Maya doesn't receive the same attention there from her carers as she does at home, but the kids are so friendly there and play with each other.  And of course the carers do spend as much time as they can with each child.  She is eating very well there and enjoys playing with the other children.  She does painting and drawing, which is something I have never gotten around to doing with Maya (because of lack of thought on my part).  I know at child care she will experience things that I am either unable to do or don't think of doing myself and I think that's a good thing.

The problem is that she isn't sleeping enough while there and arrives home tired and miserable.  She isn't always happy there and she feels abandoned by us.  Maya has always had strong separation anxiety and now it's been made worse by attending child care.  She clings to me when she gets home and unfortunately she is upset with her own father who is the one who takes her there.  I feel guilty right now for putting her in there and for not being able to explain to her that we are not abandoning her.

The child care staff tell me that Maya is doing well compared to other children who start child care, but it doesn't seem that way to me, and I'm not sure if they are just saying that to make me feel better or is it really true?  Either way I know I need to commit to it for some time and see if Maya can adjust before I make any changes.  But it's hard in the interim while Maya and I struggle with this new routine in our life.