My thoughts on motherhood.

I think motherhood is the hardest, toughest thing I have ever done and that nothing could have ever prepared me for how tough it would be. Neither talking to anyone nor minding other kids could have prepared me for motherhood because at the same time as it is tough, I love Maya so much! I would not get up in the middle of the night or change nappies for anyone else.

Some days or moments are extremely tough and at times I feel like I am doing a horrible job. Other days or moments are good and I really love being a mum. I feel like I'm on a roller coaster ride but I am blind folded and I have no idea what's coming up next or where I am going! Things change all the time from day to day and from moment to moment. But the one thing that is constant throughout it all is that I love Maya so much and want the very best for her.

Rolling, rolling, rolling.

About a month ago Maya worked out that she could get off her tummy if she rolled over onto her back. Maya always hated being on her tummy and it was no surprise to me that she learnt this roll first. As for rolling from back to front she would roll from her back onto her side and then quickly turn herself back. I think it was to prevent herself from ending up on her dreaded tummy! Then a couple of days ago she just suddenly flipped from back to tummy while desperately trying to reach a toy. She got the toy and flipped over again. Yesterday she kept flipping over and over - back to front then front to back. Not only is it something new to do but she's worked out that she can move a bit more around by doing this and reach things like toys or anything else on ground level.

Paradox.

Maya has now moved to her cot in her own room. We had to make the move because Maya won't fit into her bassinet much longer. On the one hand I am enjoying the freedom to enter my bedroom at any time of the day, the ability to read in bed again and being able to chat with Greg before going to sleep. On the other hand I really miss her. I loved having her close by, hearing her little sighs, being able to easily get up to her during the night and feeding her in bed while dozing.

For me being a mother brings such paradoxical feelings. When she has been awake for a while I often start to crave some time to myself. Then when she's asleep I really miss her and wish I could hug her (which of course I don't dare do because she would wake and I'd have to settle her back down to sleep again!). I both miss my me time and miss time with her.

Taken 02/03/09 - 4 months 3 weeks old - No room left!

Taken 10/03/09 - 5 months - Room for growth and to move!

Baby brain is...

... coming home after a couple of hours out to find your keys sitting in the front door for the whole world to see and use.

Hands.

I used to know when Maya was hungry because she would suck ferociously on her hands. Then about a month ago sucking on her hands became more about comfort and exploration.

I have watched her fervently try to put both hands in her mouth at the same time and get frustrated because she ends up with none in her mouth as a result. She also keeps putting a hand so far down her throat that she ends up dry reaching (after the first couple of goes I thought she would have learnt to stop doing that but alas no). And in the last couple of weeks she has opened up a whole new world to herself - she has started reaching for things and grasping them and putting them in her mouth too!

Feeling hot hot hot.

43, 45, 45 - They are the top temperatures over the previous three days - remaining in the 30s for most of the night. Other days have been in the high 30s.

A cool change is supposed to arrive tomorrow and it'll be a cool - 35 degrees! Actually that does sound cool - it's about 10 degrees cooler! After that it'll be in the 30s every day and 20s at night.

I really hate hot weather. I do not cope well at all. I get headaches - even when I drink water constantly. I get very irritable. Normally I also can't eat - but this time round I have kept a healthy appetite (I assume because I am breast feeding Maya).

We bought a portable air conditioner and it's currently 30 degrees in the room, which still feels terrible to me! But when I go in to other rooms I realise 30 is pleasant in comparison.

I can't even stand in the shower for a second to cool off! Our pipes are outside, facing where the sun is at its hottest. So turning on the cold water tap brings boiling water. I am not kidding! Steam comes off the water. It is hotter than the hot water tap!! And you'd think running it for a long time would eventually bring cooler water. Nope. It stays extremely hot! So I have a choice of hot water or hotter water. Great!

Cool change - where art thou?!

Grow up but don't grow up too fast.

I rejoice in Maya's achievements and growth. Seeing her able to do new things, like a first smile or holding a rattle for the first time, gives me pleasure. I also enjoy seeing her go up a size in clothes - it means she's growing and healthy.

But then I have moments where I am sad that she is growing so fast. The other day I put some clothes away, which included an outfit I loved seeing her in and now will never fit her again. And I can see that she won't fit in her bassinet much longer and will have to move to her cot soon.

I know my baby girl won't stay a baby forever and that is both exciting and sad.

5 days old - lots of room for growth

12 weeks old - running out of room

It's pronounced.. MY-YAH

When I named Maya it didn't even occur to me that most people would pronounce her name MAY-YAH. Yes I can see how people get the MAY-YAH pronunciation but I am surprised that so many people haven't heard of the Mayans. Doing a quick web search now I found out that the name is commonly mispronounced.

I'm not sure how else you would spell Maya in order for it to be pronounced MY-YAH. Myyah? Myya? Myyuh? Myye? None of those spellings look any good to me. Besides Maya is pronounced MY-YAH!

So now I am constantly correcting people on how to pronounce her name. I also have to correct the same people over and over again because they don't remember. I'm wondering if it's something to do with the English language and our need to read things literally? - Maya obviously has the word May in it with an A on the end.

I still love the name Maya but I wish I'd thought of this before. Poor Maya is going to have to constantly correct people on the pronounciation of her name. And just to top it off she'll also have to constantly correct spelling of her middle and last names!

I can hear her now: "My name is MY-YAH not MAY-YAH. It's Katherine with a K not a C. And my surname has two E's not one."

Sorry darling daughter I didn't think this through before hand!

Greg and Tanti's Wedding.

Yesterday (10/01/09) was Greg and Tanti's wedding. What can I say except it was a beautiful wedding, beautiful reception and beautiful dress. :) It was great to see these two friends exchange their vows. :)

Unfortunately it was hard for me to take pictures with a 3 month old in tow and I also missed some moments (like their first dance which I heard was fantastic!).

Maya was unsettled at first and unfortunately she's going through a phase where she's afraid of strangers so any time someone looked at or touched her she started crying. And being the cutie she is everyone wanted to hold/touch/look at her so I had to keep explaining that she's scared of strangers at the moment. But apart from those crying moments she actually did very well. When she needed to sleep I put her in a sling and she fell asleep next to me. When she wanted to be awake I had her sitting on my lap so she could look around at the lights and things on the table. She was very content to just sit there and look around (as long as no one came within eye shot LOL). Lots of people commented on how well she was doing and how good she was (which a proud mum loves to hear). And I agree - I think she coped very well, though by the end she was exhausted and needed a good long nap! Then again didn't we all?

A reflection on 2008.

2008 was a huge year for me and definitely better than 2007. This time last year I was looking for a new place to live and I had no idea I was about to fall pregnant and have a baby.

In January Greg and I said goodbye to our home of six years (our first real home together) and moved to a new abode (one we weren't totally happy with but after a short period of time we settled into our new home). In February I discovered I was pregnant and then was hit by the most awful morning sickness (which lasted till the end of April)! In August I lost my grandfather (who thankfully knew about the pregnancy and knew I was having a girl but sadly didn't get to meet her). Then in October Maya was born and my whole life as I knew it totally changed.